


before I fall

by shrdmdnssftw



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6784330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrdmdnssftw/pseuds/shrdmdnssftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Somewhere between his phone dying, his shower breaking and his bus running late every morning this week, Youngjae should probably have realised the universe is conspiring against him.</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or, Youngjae learns how not to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	before I fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [offlying_turtles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/offlying_turtles/gifts).



> Dear recipient, I hope you enjoy this fic! Your prompts were amazing and I hope this fic does them justice. 
> 
> **Content warnings** : swearing, non-linear narrative, the barest hint of relationships.

He probably should have seen this coming. Somewhere between his phone dying, his shower breaking and his bus running late every morning this week, Youngjae should probably have realised the universe is conspiring against him. Or, at least, Jinyoung probably is because despite being his direct supervisor (a _good_  supervisor at that) he's known to mess with all of his team and this definitely feels like a joke to Youngjae. 

If you'd asked Youngjae for a list of people least likely to turn up to the Busan office of Park & Junior, he would not put Im Jaebum at the top, based on the principle that Im Jaebum is never at the top of any of his lists (anymore). He would, however, be a close second, and Yugyeom would probably interject that having Bambam in the number one spot can't count, since he's a permanent fixture at the Bangkok office as the company tries to expand. Youngjae would probably then remind Yugyeom of the fact that sharing a cubicle wall for a year doesn't mean he can just ignore the fact that Youngjae is older, has been working with the company longer and is still waiting for the report he asked Yugyeom to look over from last month's audit. That's what would happen, in the hypothetical situation where Youngjae has more than a minute to process the fact that Im Jaebum actually  _is_  standing not five metres away, chatting with Jinyoung and helping himself to the sandwiches from catering that were the reason Youngjae had left his desk at all.

Youngjae's trying to figure out if it's possible to sneak himself out of the conference room while still being frozen to the spot when Jinyoung decides to actively contribute to the ruin that is Youngjae's week.

"Oh hey, Youngjae! I was just talking about you," Jinyoung says and with that, Choi Youngjae is spotted by Im Jaebum, and he's no longer frozen to the spot but pinned there by Jaebum's gaze.

Youngjae's glad his default reaction to Jinyoung's voice is to smile because the alternative is his  _what the fuck_ face, specially reserved for broken electronic devices and sort-of friends he hasn't seen in over five years.

The surprise on Jaebum's face is well meted, spread between his eyes that widen just a bit more, his hand that pauses halfway to his face. Jinyoung is still talking, something about the weekend but Youngjae has tuned him out in favour of his inner monologue, the one that goes  _Oh shit._

"Jaebum hyung," Youngjae says carefully, a question but not. 

"Youngjae," is Jaebum's warm reply and the syllables seem too familiar on his tongue, muscle memory curling Jaebum's lips into a smile.

He's only aware he's closed the distance between them when Jaebum extends a hand and Youngjae is close enough to catch it, firm and warm in his grasp. As always. Jinyoung's eyes narrow at the both of them, as sharp as ever.

"You two know each other." It's not a question. 

"You could say that," Jaebum says and Youngjae snorts a laugh because of course. If there's one thing that wouldn't change in the time that has passed, it's Jaebum's ability to try and play things cool.

Jaebum's smile twitches into something wider and he raises and eyebrow at him. Youngjae grins widely in response and it's then that Jaebum finally drops the handshake.

"Youngjae and I knew each other and lived together back when I was in university," he says, like that explains everything and, well, maybe it does.

-

It goes like this:

Youngjae is a realist. Most of the time, he comes off as an optimist, tends towards a cheerful attitude because people like charm and Youngjae likes sharing his laughter. He tries not to dwell  on problems he can't fix and works hard on those that he can and all of this coexists with a healthy dose of Knowing Things Can Fuck Up.

It's why he has a spare phone, why he knows his building's emergency maintenance number by heart and why he's worked enough long nights to allow for a few late starts to slip past his bosses. 

It's also why living with Jaebum in university was a little pathetic on his part. 

-

Youngjae is a realist and Youngjae is smart enough to be self aware and Youngjae _knows_ that the affection he has for Jaebum isn't quite the same as his affection for Younghyun or Sungjin or any of the other hyungs in his course.  He's a realist and, realistically speaking, it's unlikely Jaebum feels anything major for Youngjae, apart from the way he must like him enough, or they wouldn't be sharing an apartment.

"It's not much," Jaebum says and that's the understatement of his university career.

The single bedroom apartment is squeezed in between many of the same - shoeboxes disguised as accommodation with only  _just_ enough space to breathe. They manage to fit two mattresses into the bedroom but it's one week in when Jaebum gives up trying to walk in the margins of the space, shoving their beds together into a makeshift double.

Youngjae would say something but he's too busy trying to ignore that feeling,  the one that has taken root in his chest. It's fed by Jaebum's sleep rough voice, nurtured by the warmth that Jaebum emits. 

It's two weeks in when Youngjae lets himself relax, hoping that the feeling has shrunk down, has died. It's t wo weeks and one day into living together when Youngjae wakes up wrapped around Jaebum, face nestled into the crook of Jaebum's neck, breathing in his smell and how close he. Youngjae closes his eyes, feels something clench around his heart and thinks,  _fuck_.

Youngjae is a realist. He puts a pillow between them after that. 

-

It goes like this:

Youngjae's sister calls him up.

He's not the type to play favourites but his noona will buy him food, calls him cute and tells her friends about her talented younger brother who studies in Seoul. His hyung reminds him not to eat too much, to study hard and doesn't hesistate to smack the back of his head when they joke around. Both of them  _do_  love him, Youngjae knows. 

In any case, his sister calls him up and asks if he's got a girlfriend yet and embarrassment flushes over him, like alcohol but minus all the fun. He's at lunch with his friends, sitting across from Mark and watching the play of his hands in the light. He's got delicate wrists, the knob of bone jutting out like it's asking to be held and Youngjae stammers out a negative response.

"Why not?" she probes and Youngjae wishes he had an answer. An answer he could say out loud.

An elbow knocks into his side and Youngjae faces the culprit. _You're busy with university_ , Jaebum mouths and Youngjae repeats it rather robotically. His sister sighs but lets the topic drop, giving Youngjae updates on their parents and on Coco and finally hangs up when her train arrives. 

It's not that he forgot Jaebum was there but he'd been trying to ignore it, nestled in the corner of the coffee shop with barely a foot between them. He always tries to ignore Jaebum because otherwise he's hyperaware of him, hardwired to react. He can't ignore the way Jaebum nudges him again, smile soft and reassuring. Youngjae wants to think he's special because Jaebum can be cold and cut off. He can be bright, too, louder than Jackson and brighter than Jae. He's a clash of emotions, he's affection hidden in teasing, advice hidden in offhand remarks.

He's Youngjae's friend, his close friend and it's a startling realisation. They've known each other for a year now and Youngjae  _wants_.

Youngjae smiles, small and half hidden but nudges Jaebum back, hopes it says all that he can't.

-

Really, it goes like this:

Between finishing his service and entering university, Youngjae falls in love. Seoul courts him with bright lights and the promise of a bright future, with bustling streets and more food than Youngjae can even imagine eating and it only takes a little begging and a lot of entrance exam preparation before he finds himself standing in between groups of other students, all in their bubbles of friendship. He's on his own but not lonely - not when he's enamoured with the city and how it feels.

This is an optimist version of Youngjae, just turned twenty and deprived of stimulants like coffee and sleeplessness and  _love_. He loves the city but it doesn't love him back, just another one of its charges, another body to push around, to chew up and spit out like the seeds of fresh summer fruit. This is the optimist version of Youngjae, who meets many people and makes a few friends and thinks that maybe it won't be too hard.

He lasts one semester, then calls himself a realist.

-

It goes like this:

Jaebum is here for a month, or maybe more, depending on how the project goes. He's working with Jinyoung, mostly, and staying in an apartment just three streets away from Youngjae. He seems softer somehow - doesn’t _look_  softer, jaw sharp and suit sharper, but there’s something in the curve of his lips that doesn’t bite as deep as Youngjae remembers. He's Jaebum, just the same, and Youngjae wonders how deep roots grow, how long things last in drought. 

He's a realist with roots of optimism, a realist with roots around his heart. He's staring at Jaebum, Youngjae knows this but there's some comfort in the way Jaebum's staring back.

"We're going out for drinks to welcome Jaebum," Jinyoung says, breaking the air between them. His phone is in his hand and Youngjae knows he'll have a message outlining all the details before he even gets back from his lunch break.  "Jaebum needs to head up to HR now but you two can catch up then - it seems like it's been a while."

"Yeah," agrees Youngjae, easy as anything. "That sounds good." 

And it does. He's a realist - there's no way this week can get worse but so many ways it can get better, and something in Jaebum's eye makes him think that this is one.

"I guess I'll see you then," Jaebum smiles. He says this like it's inevitable, the way they've met again. Like Youngjae is inevitable, bound to be here, a part of Jaebum's life and Jaebum a part of his. Maybe it is.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this was sparked by two of the prompts:
> 
> “maybe in five years, our paths will cross again and i will tell you how desperately in love i was with you. and we can laugh at how we broke each other’s heart.” and “isn’t it strange? there are so many people out there who secretly love someone. and there are so many people out there who have no idea that someone secretly loves them.”
> 
> The first and last scenes are set in the present, all other scenes are in the past.


End file.
